Today is Juneteenth. Specifically, today is the 159th anniversary of the reading of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger. This was the order which served as the Texas version of the Emancipation Proclamation, a full two years after President Lincoln and the federal government (such as it was) freed all slaves. It was therefore the official grant of freedom to Texan slaves, some of the last people to be legally enslaved in this country. The celebration of this holiday began as early as the late 1860s in Galveston, Texas, and has spread outward to every state in the US and, more recently, to Mexico, where descendants of Black Seminoles honor their ancestor’s flight from slavery.
Juneteenth celebrates freedom for the formerly enslaved, but it is also a day to celebrate African-American arts and culture more generally, particularly food and music. As this holiday has Texan roots, rodeo is often a prominent feature, as are barbecues and food trucks hawking everything from Cajun shrimp to collard greens. But of course, the primary focus is on the historical fact of enslavement and the deep trauma it has left on our country. While slavery has existed in one form or another for as long as some humans have been forcing others to do labor that benefits the enforcer and not the laborer, the peculiar institution that built American wealth was almost unique in basing legal status on a new class of “race” based on the skin color of one’s ancestors. So this day marks the end of legally enforcing that status, though it also highlights just how little progress we’ve made in ending the existence of race-based status. In fact, Texas in the 1860s might have been more racially progressive than much of “progressive” New England is today.
I’ve had to bear witness to some truly horrible comments on the fact that this is a bank holiday. Some come from customers who are largely expressing irritation at inconvenience, though there is not a similar level of grousing about Memorial Day. I have tried to respond in bright and positive fashion. At worst, I have said that, with all the work I still have in the garden, I appreciate the day off in the middle of the week. But in my better moments, I have painted a picture of the joy of being freed and the nearly involuntary need to celebrate freedom. We celebrate the beginning of the war for freedom from monarchical rule. Why is this any different?
However, the hardest moments have come from my co-workers. I don’t want to lose my job, but I also don’t want to remain silent. I confess to not being a very good anti-racist in June. I scowl quite a lot, but I have not said as much as I should have. Mostly this is because I do not expect this from grown humans in 21st century urban New England and, truly, I have no response. Something is said and it is so outrageously dumbfounding that all I can do in the moment is blink and stare. I know I make people uncomfortable because there are mumbled retractions, but I think these come more because they felt they have insulted me personally (and one should never antagonize the witch), not because they recognize that what they are saying is patently and disgustingly racist.
And the thing is, they don’t know they are being racist. They are that ignorant. And it can’t be blamed on the parochial New England world view (which is increasingly insalubrious in MAGA-friendly ways). I work in a business that, yes, serves many Vermont natives, but there are also many from outside this culture even on staff. My employer is historically associated with the local military college, Norwich University, which, yes, may be historically white and insular in the way of New England, but is certainly not that way now. Many of our customers are not even from this country, and they would have been slaves if they came to these shores just a few generations ago. Furthermore, my town is a blue-collar crafting economy with many people migrating here in the late 19th century to quarry and sculpt the granites and marbles of the Green Mountains. Most were not white as defined by the 19th century elites who invented the concept. In fact, those Vermonters with darker skin who come through our doors every day undoubtedly have ancestors who were freed by the Emancipation Proclamation. So how do people of any skin color in this culture remain so blind? It seems a willful choice to me — making it all the more repulsive.
It is also a foul stain on education in this country and an indication of just how successful the bigoted right take-over of school boards has been at keeping actual history (among other realities) out of the classroom. As an example, last year there was a recent high school grad doing summer work for my employer. He graduated early and with honors, at the top of his class, in one of the best schools in Vermont. I had not heard him denigrating Juneteenth specifically, but here is a mark of how ahistorical his knowledge is. And mind you, this is the best that Vermont education has to offer.
We were talking about incomprehensible place names, incomprehensible from our vantage point anyway. As an illustration, I said that there weren’t any Delaware Indians anywhere near Delaware when Delaware was named nor even east of the Mississippi River since the 19th century. His first response was surprise that Delaware was named for a Native nation. But then he asked, ‘Well, where did they go?’. I said that I thought that those few who remained lived in Kansas or Wyoming or some such sparsely populated prairie region. He then asked why they would have done that. I blinked a couple seconds, sure he was making a tasteless joke or trying for irony in a pathetic fashion, but then I realized that he actually did not know. He did not know our white settler ancestors forced the Delaware to leave.
First, we forced them to migrate over the Appalachian Mountains into Ohio and then, only a few generations later, we forcibly removed them from those ceded treaty lands and forced them to march off to the dry interior of this continent, places that were completely bewildering to coastal woodlands peoples. He absorbed this for all of three seconds and then rationalized away the rupture we caused by saying “Well, they had horses. It wasn’t that bad”. I couldn’t respond to this except to say that I seriously doubted that our government gave them horses for the forced march.
How could a well-educated teenager, fresh from the rigors of textbooks and tests, not know this essential chapter in US history? The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that I’m not sure I learned it in school either. I might blame this on 20th century parochial school and then Indiana (which is about the most insultingly incomprehensible place name there is), but I don’t know that we had substantially different textbooks from any other school districts. No, I was fortunate in that I had friends who taught me the reality of the past, and I was also sensitized at a very young age to the enormous lacunae in history books by all the missing female pronouns. I came to my level of understanding independent of and, to a great degree in spite of, formal education. And apparently, this situation has not improved in the four intervening decades.
To the point that a young white man in Vermont does not know that his history includes forcibly ripping the original inhabitants of his homeland out of their lives — and then, to add insult to injury, naming our surroundings after the ghosts of the peoples we annihilated. To the point that a middle-aged woman in Vermont says it’s stupid to be closed on Juneteenth because this isn’t a real holiday — implying that reality and culture only belong to people with her own skin tone. To the point that we don’t understand the atrocities that built this country and so have no remedy for the wounds, don’t even know that those wounds are fresh and ongoing and gouged all the deeper by the willful ignorance that passes for education in our country.
I am a little sickened today on my day off. I would ask pardon from all those who have been wronged by my culture. Only I don’t know that I deserve it. And I know this culture doesn’t. So I am working in the garden, working to build up healthy relationship to what is here now and what has been before. And I have written these words, hoping that they might reach a few and reveal all the holes in their knowledge of themselves and their history. But that’s a thin hope.
Be better if I had a rodeo to offer… but even that… most white people assume that rodeo is a white people thing… and it’s just… not.
Look it up… in the margins, of course.
The Summer Solstice
Today is the solstice; today, the sun stands still. Well, actually, if you’ve read much of anything I’ve written, you know that it’s been standing still for a few days now, and it will continue to do so for a few more days. In my part of the world from 16 June to 24 June, day length is 15 hours, 30 minutes, and a handful of seconds. The longest day of 2024 is today, June 20th, but today is only 3 seconds longer than yesterday and tomorrow is only 2 seconds shorter. Not much of a change. Not one that I notice, anyway. The day’s routine definitely feels stationary at this time of year.
The earliest dawn has already come and gone. The sun began rising at 5:05am on the 12th; it rose one minute later on the 18th, and one minute more will be added by Midsummer’s Day (the 24th). The latest sunsets begin tonight. The sun drops below the western horizon today at 8:37pm and will continue to do so until July. It sticks there until on July 2nd it sets one minute earlier. If you are particular about such things and count seconds, the actual earliest sunrise fell on 15 June and the latest sunset will be 27 June. But you’d be hard pressed to note the differences unless you have a very flat horizon and a clock with a seconds hand.
And that is sort of the point of all this time-noting. Around this time of year, there is no day that feels substantially longer than any others, and that’s because the solstice does not mark a day that is substantially longer than any others. The summer solstice marks not the day length, but the sun’s furthest poleward point on the horizon. This year that happens at 4:50pm this afternoon, when most people are still at work. But even if we have the time to note the time, the actual solstice is really not that gripping an event, and it is passed before you can give it due consideration. It is a point in time, not substantial enough to even be called a moment.
But Midsummer, itself, is a season, not a point, not a second, not a moment. It is a long strand of moments, weeks of the sun rising and setting at about the same time and about the same place on the horizon, day after day after day. There are many long days and short nights to celebrate, many opportunities to salute the sun. And the day of the solstice isn’t even the best when considered from a cultural perspective. The actual point of the solstice may be a moment, but it is a moment that varies from year to year and so is rather difficult to plan around and simply impossible to observe with any ceremony, ceremonies being longer than moments.
However, the historical holiday of Midsummer happens each year on June 24th, the whole day, coming a few days after the solstice moment but still well within the season of sun standing still. It is a fixed day that can be anticipated and celebrated every year at the same time, created specifically for this celebration. This is when A Midsummer’s Night Dream takes place, on the Eve of St John’s Day, Midsummer’s Night. This is when I salute the sun, usually from my garden, though there are several Midsummer celebrations in my part of the world if I feel up to bearing more of human company after my work day. Perhaps this year, with Midsummer’s Eve falling on a Sunday, it will be easier to gather together to note the time. Much easier than today for me anyway… At 4:50pm, I am usually frantically trying to finish something that can’t be put off until morning. Not a good time…
Though few people will mark this day and even fewer remember that there is a holiday called Midsummer, this was once the merriest and most common celebration of the year. Everyone celebrated Midsummer until quite recently — the bonfires and feasts were still going strong in Shakespeare’s day, after all. But humans have been saluting the sun at this time of the year for as long as we’ve been humans. Probably longer. Many of the most ancient relics of human culture relate to time-keeping, and noting the lunar and solar events that keep time. Most early public construction projects like Stonehenge, Newgrange, and pyramids worldwide are oriented to catch and direct light of sun, moon and stars at the equinoxes and solstices, often in stunningly complex fashion. Our ancestors felt the need to erect these amazing structures, laboring communally over generations, centuries, to honor our magnificent star.
In that light, perhaps I should not feel so very unusual in my desire to do the salute the Midsummer sun. My ancestors would understand this profound entanglement, connection, communion, this need to feel kinship with the sun, the stars, the rivers, the stones, the wolves and winds and bears and bees and birds. They would know the swelling in my heart at the dawn chorus and the bone-deep calm that descends with the trilling of a robin the dusky purple light. They too would talk with trees and sing with raindrops and dance with meadow grasses. They would understand me, know me, feel me. I would not be so very unusual.
I would not be unusual, but many of the humans I’ve known would be. This whole culture would be an aberration. No, it is an aberration. It has never existed before and likely will never exist again. The rampant dualism, the transcendentalism that places human habitation outside and above this living world, the hierarchies and divisions between human and all else, the sheer hubris of humans in denying vibrancy and agency and personhood to any other state of being — none of that would be comprehensible to our ancestors. And not because they were so simplistic that they could not understand modern concepts. They would simply not understand why any thinking human would believe such apparent unreality.
And why would you want to? How could you be so willfully blind as to hold such nonsensical ideas? How could you live a life in such alienation and isolation and rejection? How could you not feel the sun on your cheek and know that for a caress from a living, loving, caring universe? How could you not feel kinship? How could you not pause in your summer work and salute the passing of time and the sun that marks that passage?
It is my hope that we do not have many more summer solstices that pass largely unheralded as this one will today. It is my belief that this aberrant time without celebratory time will, indeed, pass and there will be common holy days again. But for now I am content to salute the sun and then sit in my garden. Maybe that’s all I need of ritual anyway. And maybe soon… maybe soon there will be bonfires again. Maybe even a bit of faerie mayhem… Enough to wake us all up and make us all alive to this world.
Tonight is the shortest night of the year. Of course, you’d be hard-pressed to note the difference even with a very flat horizon that reveals the exact moment of sunrise. Exact moments are difficult to catch even when you have fine-scale time notation and more than one set of eyes on the task, one for the sun and one for the clock. When do you call it day — when the sun’s aura first breaks into the sky or when the sun fully rises above the horizon? Or maybe when the center of the sun is visible? But how do you judge that until the full disk is visible? And what do you do with all these minutes and hours of light before and after day?
In my part of the world, there is enough light by 4am to move about without stumbling over things. However, official sunrise doesn’t happen for over an hour. Then the sun is hidden behind the mountains for about two more hours. This process is repeated in reverse on the other side of day time, with twilight lasting until nearly 10pm, though the sun drops behind the western mountain peaks before 7pm and sets at 8:37pm today.
In Helsinki, there is very little darkness for many weeks around the solstice. So when is it night there?
This obsession with exact timekeeping becomes a little silly when scrutinized. We don’t experience exact time as it is measured by digital devices. Conscious thought isn’t measured in fractions of seconds, and our observations are always lagging behind the present moment. Once we’re aware of the moment in the world, it is already past.
But on a more fundamental level, the world doesn’t conform to fixed digital time any more than we do. The questions raised above are only some of the holes in our labels for time. What does the solstice sunrise mean at the poles? In the tropics? Anywhere but on Earth? And Earth time — all these divisions of the planet’s orbit and its rotation on its axis — what does all that mean in space? When we say it takes twelve years to get to Pluto from here, what does that mean for the ship that travels that distance? What is day on eternally dusky Pluto? What do all our timekeeping devices do with the slowing of Earth’s rotation? Or the gentle oscillation of the Earth’s orbit? And how do our bodies experience any of this time?
We think we understand time. We pretend that all these noted moments define time. But time disdains our moments. Time is fluid. Time is relative. Time is better defined as embodied change, as life, as being. It is not fixed and it certainly is not fixed to human scales. It breathes and pulses, grows and contracts. It is both monstrously long in duration and infinitely short. It is both a tempered heartbeat and the staccato blast of a landslide. It is incomprehensible and refuses to be constrained by our notions of recording and measurement. What is the solstice but a fleeting moment in the relative dance of an unremarkable star and one of its small, rocky planets? And yet what is a human life without that recurring moment? And how do we comprehend time when we are floating in it? How do we define what defines us?
Most of our problems are rooted in our basic incomprehension of space and time. Our problems are of scale. We project the human experience of time and space onto the entire universe, both outward and inward. And nothing else conforms to human scale. Not even most of the processes that make up a human body.
Take the idea that we can extract value from the rest of the world, turn it into transportable and tradable form, and then expect natural processes to always replenish what was taken. And on human timescales! Even though we intellectually know that, aside from some human body processes, natural processes don’t operate on human timescales. We know it takes hundreds of years to grow a forest, thousands to make soil, millions to lay down most mineral resources, billions to make a living planet fit to house a human body. But it takes microseconds for radiation to alter DNA. Our bodies have experiential knowledge of none of these processes. We can’t relate to any of these things. And yet we are meddling with all of them and arrogantly expecting them to adjust to our wishes and ways of being.
Similarly, we know that Earth processes are not operating on human spatial scales either. Groundwater replenishment must draw from hundreds of vertical feet and perhaps thousands of lateral miles, as well as thousands of years in water cycling. It takes the whole globe to rebalance the ocean and atmosphere after disturbance — though disturbance does seem to be something that can be quick and quickly generalized from a small central location. We know all this but we can’t experience any of it. It is outside our physical comprehension.
We also know that fluidity in scale — slow to build, quick to break, here large, there small — is found in all natural processes. We think it a bit unfair. But we know it takes energy to resist entropy. Breaking things down is usually much easier than building them up. Except for the poisons and harm we create. Toxic waste products and the biologically inert things we make from oil are not subject to the same timescales as the living things of this Earth. It takes hundreds of years to break down plastic because plastic is so toxic to life that nothing acts upon it except mechanical weathering. It will take thousands of years to render nuclear test and accident sites at least neutral to biological beings. It may take millions of years to equilibrate the pH of ocean water, though it only took a few decades to turn it acidic. We know all this. But we don’t know it viscerally enough to stop causing all this harm.
Yes, we know all this. Lack of knowledge is not our problem. Our problem is that we can’t comprehend any of it. Lack of wisdom is the problem. We can’t internalize this knowledge or apply it. We can’t feel it because we can’t experience these sorts of times and spaces. We don’t understand geological time or space. We don’t understand atomic time or space. It will take almost as long as the entirety of human history to undo the cumulative damages we’ve caused in a few generations, parts of which have only taken milliseconds to engender. We can’t experience any of these timescales and yet we’ve participated in them. We’ve released damage into the natural world in discreet places and it has snowballed into global destruction. We can barely sense the effects of our actions at the scale of a few square miles. We hardly know the wisdom of our own place. We can’t feel what we do to the globe. We don’t live long enough or large enough to understand what we’ve done. In fact, we are so parochial in thinking that we believe that when we toss our garbage, there is some outside-away that will instantaneously — miraculously — process it into benign form. How confused we are!
What’s worse, what we have accomplished has come through using irreplaceable energy stores to do work on extremely foreshortened timescales relative to all the natural processes that might remediate the harm. We have outrun natural processes, loading them up with damages that can’t be cured in such short time scales. Nor do we have the remaining energy stores to undo the harm — and it may not be possible in any case. Because we don’t make or restore things. We use energy to break things. Energy in our hands can’t be used for growth or renewal. Certainly not production of more energy.
That said, our efficient harnessing of ancient stores of solar energy has created one thing — delusions of grandeur. With all this massive result, we’ve begun to think of ourselves as primal cause. We think we make things happen. We think we make things happen on human scales. But notice that our only method of using energy is to destroy the storage materials. We burn these fuels and try to trap what explodes from the rupturing chemical bonds to do work that we can’t accomplish in humanly scaled fashion. We aren’t making, we’re breaking The human-built world is founded upon broken things. We destroy living, changing things to reap energy. And then we name ourselves gods. Delusion!
To some extent this is native to humans. Humans are not creative by nature. We are animals. We break things down. But in some cultures this natural animal proclivity to breaking things has been amplified by that stored energy from hundreds of millions of years ago. In ways that we don’t completely understand. Because we are inside this system and can only see our small part in it. And, to compound our blindness, we are infantile enough to venerate that small part centered on us. In English we name the domestication of the natural will ‘breaking’. We break things to make them conform to our wants and will. We break wild animals. We break in shoes. We break out of cycles that irritate us. We break those spirits that we hold so dear. We break life. And we don’t understand that we can’t put it back together — because we don’t operate on the necessary scales of time or space.
Yes, all animals break down living organisms to harness stored nutrients and energy. Breaking is the essential fact of animality. On this planet, animals obtain energy through breaking apart and digesting the creators. On this planet, animals take from the creators and only give back the processed waste, including animal bodies at the end of life. But on this planet, plants and microbes and a few insects are the actual creators. They harness energy and mineral materials to create embodied order and complex form. Animals, including humans, harvest that order and complexity to feed and shelter their own bodies. Animals do not synthesize, do not create. Humans are only creative when we work within those processes, as a part of those processes. And, even so, we are not doing the creative work. We are enabling the real creators — those plants and microbes and few insects — to do work that we’d like to see in the world. We don’t operate on creator scales of time and space and we don’t experience direct creation, only destruction. Yet we can’t seem to wrap our heads around what it means to be a creator, what it means to be an energy store, what it means to break that store open wide, what it means to the living creator who must replenish those stores. We only know how to suck down the sweetness and demand more with the next breath.
Consider the garden under the solstice sun. The gardener is the least essential part of that organism. The gardener makes no plant materials nor any part of the soil communities that nurture the plants. Those soil communities and those plants are doing all the real work, and this happens on scales that the human can’t even perceive. The gardener just hovers around the edges of this living entity, curating the collective, deciding what will be allowed to live and what will be removed. And then the gardener takes what she wants from the system. A good gardener is one that replenishes what she takes of raw materials, but she does not make anything in the garden. The garden makes the garden — with occasional and inessential assistance from the gardener. A good gardener also knows this and respects it and tries to stay out of the way. She knows she is not growing the garden. The garden is growing.
Most of us are not very good gardeners. We think we are making all that life happen when life happens of itself — and these days, often despite us.
We think we understand Earth processes because we can obsessively measure some parts here and there. But we can’t experience the whole, even if we can extrapolate the measurements, which are really just our labels, not actual existence. So how can we possibly understand the whole within which we live?
I think most of our worst traits — and some of the sillier ones — flow from this incomprehension. We seem to believe that we are simultaneously so insignificant that what we do will be put to rights by the wider natural world and yet so important that we are forgiven for laying such burdens on other beings. We act as though we are building the world when in actuality all we do is break things down. We name ourselves superior when we could not exist outside this organism, nor even very far in time or space from the small places that created us. And we congratulate ourselves for mastering time when all we’ve done is give it silly — but humanly essential — labels. Words that mean nothing and everything.
Like solstice. And dawn. And day. And moment. And lifetime.
I want to feel those words, and it is so hard in this confused culture. I want to run off and join a monastery. Except I don’t… I want to live each moment wisely and intentionally among beings who share my love of this Earth. I want to be divorced from this human-built destruction and live where life is nurtured — and humans stay out of the way of those nurturing processes as much as we are able in these animal bodies. I want to do more than observe and label, I want to feel the world. And I don’t want to break things any more than absolutely necessary to keep this body whole. I hope it’s not necessary to withdraw from the human world to meet my expectations for living. But given experience, that might be the case. There are reasons people like me have always lived on the margins.
I know I am small and I want to live at that human scale and not reach into time and space that I can’t feel. I may know about these things — I was a geologist with a specialty in radioactive isotope modeling, after all — but I don’t pretend to fully and physically understand them. And that is good.
So to put today in human context… tonight will be a short summer night, one of many that feel more or less the same to my human body. Tomorrow the sun will rise very early and I will rise to greet the new day and savor the unfolding of time. These are the scales of a human life. And that, too, is good.
©Elizabeth Anker 2024
